just stuck in the [middle]

im a [different] kind of [average] ........

there's nothing wrong with an average girl

i see average as bein simplistic.

i see average as bein a happy medium....

average.....the average girl ....the girl next door......

relatable.....

no im not difficult...most times.....i am not perfect....far from it.....

average......means there is room for error...i am not perfected...no 100% here...but i am not flawed enough to be a 0.

Im jus an average girl. But dnt consider me as any old regular average girl.

like i said before... im that [different] kind of average

Im like that hard ass paper that yu got a C on type average....that, 'i studied all nite on this material nd thought i had it down so why i aint get an A or B? ' type average ...

im not that........'I only got that C cuz i aint try but that shit was easy' type average...

yu feel me?

i dnt thnk so...i kno yu dnt understand....

so lemme try again to explain wat i mean....

I am not the average paper....or the average grade on a test...but i am topic of the paper...the hard topic.....that receive an average grade due to the fact that no one could really explain me.

I am the QUESTIONS on the test....that were not understood by others and in result..some answers were marked wrong and given an average grade....

i AM NOT that easy ass test that you bothered not to study for because it didnt interest you.

I AM that subject that excites yu....yu wish to learn all about....an average subject....like English....but im the hard ass English class....that.....18th centuy English class. that....hard ass interpretation of every writing in the Shakespearean era English class. I AM interesting....yu WISH to kno all about me.... but some just arent capable...some questions will be left unanswered.

I am that average girl thats hard to understand...so many dnt succeed in gettin to kno me...


that [different] average.

i am that average girl that does average things but i put a lil twist in it..a lil trick in it...STANDOUT jus enough to not be forgotten

THAT [different] type of average...

AND WITH THAT BEING SAID...

yu wont forget me......

for the moment

When i see you, I admit, my heart still skips a beat.
It's undeniable, in fact, that my feelings still run deep.
But when I see you I am forced to just say 'hey' and turn the other cheek
I lost you as a lover but still have you as a friend *bittersweet

But it's like, when I look in your eyes..it's hard for me to disguise..that in my stomach there are still butterflies

nd

They all flutter all the time..as I hide behind...this wall I built up..oh ..so...high

[to..keep..me..from..you]

nd

I laugh, I no longer cry, I SMILE, and I know why...

cuz

I've lost something but I've gained so much more...you see, your friendship is more than I could ever ask for... so i take those deep feelings and lock them behind a door.

nd

Some people would probably say that I was crazy..I still let you in my bed but I'm not your lady,, we don't share those words; boo/bae/baby...

They would probably ask why?

They would never understand.. that even though you are not my man..

I'll still do whatever for that time cuz for that one moment you are mine...

your skin on my skin..your lips on my lips..nd for a few seconds.. your eyes and my eyes, they align...

nd then I'm taken deep..DEEP .. oh ssoooooo DEEP..

As I reminisce..for the moment.
bout how I owned it..
As I reminisce for the moment..
your fingers running through my hair like you was combin
As I reminisce for the moment
all the time spent
As I reminisce for the moment
how you were my superman, my Clark Kent.
Then im brought back to the moment..
No, permanently, I don't own it..

But I own it..temporarily it is mine..I say that again...I own it...I own it..but only for THAT moment.

she is in all of us.....

"If you need someone to trust..it can be me..I won't forget to remember you" -Kevin MCcallister (Macaulay Culkin) Home Alone 2

what so many wish to be...

PINOCCHIA - the sister of pinocchio. A girl so cold. H A R D. no heart. hollow. but she jus wants to b a real girl.

the feelings...

i jumped the border.
i crossed over into foreign land because i was led by the feeling of 'thrill'
Where i was at just wasnt where i wanted to be i was haunted by my past crimes nd the cops was after me. so i crossed over this border in hopes i would be happy...and i was...VERY happy.

nothn else mattered. i was on my PERMANENT vacay....

or so i thought.

authorities came....nd took my happiness away....i broke the law....

now im in a cell. facin the time of the crime i commited....

for life?

i hope not.

I want to plead my case in front of the jury of 'one'.

wat is the verdict? not guilty? please?

nd wen it all falls apart

It seemed like all these guys only wanted one thing
Then I found someone who wantd the things unseen
Mind body and soul…yup all three
And fo the first time in a while I was livin the dream
I finally had someone who really liked ME

Nd then how quickly the storm came
I was fussin over stuff that seemed real lame
I kept apologizing cuz I aint wanna lose wat I had gained
I realize it was me…I am the one to blame

I cnt control my thoughts nd I cnt control my mouth
But I cnt hold my tongue and my ignorant attitude comes out

But I understand that there is only so much one can take
Nd I apologize but my attitude determined my fate

Now it back to the cold me
So that I wont hurt nobody
So that I ultimately wont hurt BRY.
I guess this is the way it has to be

I waited so long fo somethn nd now its all gone

Goodbye to the feelins

Bye bye heart

Im angry as I sit here as I sit nd think of the damaged I caused
I did it again..another good thing lost.

i lied.....

I said my next post was going to be called apologies....but my thoughts aren't organized for that yet. Instead I am going to post a part from J Cole's song - losing my balance. This verse somewhat reminds me of Him.....

I got a thing for this little mama

She do it to me plus her brain is forreal imma sucka for love I guess

Wont catch her up in the club cuz she aint into that

Kind of chick that rather rent a flick and get intimate

Say she never fuck with thug niggas only gentlemen

And yea that ass is fat but whats better is her intellect

Other men ah sweat her when we walk past

Cant even blame em’ I did the same when I saw that ass

Match with the thin waist, brown with a slime face

Love the conversation and the kicks was like a sensai

Now she got me chillening with her all around the clock

My homies beefin cuz I never come around a lot

Keep on telling me I changed and things aint the same

And ever since she came around I never want to hang

They tell me that its foul how a chick will make me switch

But man I cant help it dog her mind got me whipped

I think Im losing my balance